The Power in Detaching

Imagine a tree in the midst of autumn. Its vibrant leaves, once firmly attached, are now gently falling, detached from the branches. Each leaf represents an emotional tie or attachment. As they drift away, the tree stands tall, symbolizing resilience and inner strength. The falling leaves, carried by the wind, signify the release of emotional burdens and the freedom that comes with detachment. This image captures the beauty and tranquility of letting go, allowing for growth and renewal.

Detaching is releasing our emotional ties to people, places, things, or outcomes.

 As I come up on my Eku Odun, my one-year anniversary in Ifa, I am reflecting on the thoughts, feelings, actions & behaviors that were not only hindering my growth, but the things that have strengthened my growth as well. In introspect, I started to examine how these emotional processes affected my mental state. I learned a lot about myself in this one year, but one of the hardest lessons that I had to come to terms with was letting go. It is still a challenge at times, but the awareness that I have today of the power in it brings a greater understanding of why it needs to be done.

 In life, we all have encountered situations where detaching becomes necessary for our well-being. You know them ex’s you cannot seem to get out of your energy, the expectations of what you thought your life should have been, some of us are even attached to the things that we have. For example, living in a home that is way beyond your means, struggling! But you refuse to downsize. It is all about having emotional resilience. My Yeye, Chief Iyalode Yeye Tayese, always says, “you have to be resilient.” We must learn to respond to unexpected situations and crises in a healthy way. Being emotional resilient is not being unbothered, it is remaining calm in a moment of stress so that you can work through the issue in an effective way. Being able to regulate your emotions is power. But that power does not peak its head until we can detach from the outcome of unexpected situations.

 So, what is detaching? When I first heard the term I heard, “cut everybody off!” No, that is toxic behavior. My Baba, (Chief Oluwo Obafemi Fayemi Epega) always says, “there is no change without friction.” Something that you do not hold an emotional tie, is not going to create the friction needed for change because that thing does not matter to you. This is why I say family are our first karmics. That friction comes by way of being hurt by those we hold dear to our hearts. Be it absent mother or father or loss of a loved one. Because there is an emotional tie to our family, all the lessons we need to learn in this life are initially triggered by them. So detaching is releasing the emotional tie that we hold to people, things, behaviors, and outcomes. That way, we can see the lesson, find the why, learn from it so we can develop inner peace and freedom from the suffering.

So, what does detaching look like? For my yearly reading, one of the things I had to let go of or detach from was prioritizing everyone else outside of myself. I would self-sabotage, or self-sacrifice myself for other people’s well-being. My time, energy, money, just given away. When I say I seen nothing but cardinals this year, I would be sitting on the patio and two cardinals would come perch right next to me. And if you are familiar with the Animal Speaks book by Ted Andrews, you understand a cardinal represents “the need to renew your vitality through self-importance.” I had to exercise the word “no” more than I would have liked to. I had to release the need to control everything outside of myself and learn to control me. I had to bite my tongue more than I would have liked. I had to be still more than I would have liked. I had to develop patience. This year has truly humbled me, but it all had to happen. At one point I felt so alone because doing all those things removed a lot of people out of my life. But those were people who were using me and abusing my kindness. People I used to talk to on a regular basis, we no longer had anything in common. There was no purpose in me doing certain things that led to me trauma bonding. I have no expectations at this point because it is so quiet and peaceful here. It places you in the energy of grounding where you are. I have no thoughts about the past or what is to come because of this level of peace, I do not want to lose it. It is my new beginning; it is where I begin to start piecing me back together again. Rebuilding from the ashes, the lessons that I have obtained from just detaching from all that no longer serves my highest good.

This is emotional freedom, no longer being burdened by the expectations and outcomes. We can now experience emotions without being consumed by them. I am not saying this happens overnight, it is something we must exercise. It is still a challenge for me so do not be so hard on yourself. But having the knowledge of what it is and applying it daily so the wisdom can come is so powerful. Detaching has reduced my anxiety. You cannot control those external things, but you can stop it from wreaking havoc on your inner peace by first acknowledging that change cannot be avoided. You will create more chaos in your world by trying to avoid the inevitable. It is time to accept that you need to shift and change. Really do an analysis of where you are currently and embrace it, love it, nurture it, and acknowledge what it is. The next thing is to start being more mindful of your thoughts. How do we respond and how do we feel? Allow these things to come and go. Burying them creates negative effects on your physical and mental health. Being a child of Oshun has given me a beautiful perspective on surrendering the need to control so that I can trust in the natural flow of life. It has made me desire life differently; the journey of life (the meat of life) is more important than the outcome. What you learn, what you gain from the lessons, and your experiences determine how beautiful the outcome will be.

Operating from a place of gratitude helps me stay grounded. If you focus on how far you have come rather than how far you have to go, you understand that any progress is better than none. I am not where I used to be, I am not who I used to be and even though I am still a work in progress, I am progressing. And more importantly prioritize yourself. You cannot show up in life how you need to if you continue to neglect your overall well-being. You cannot be love, peace, safe, secure in anything unless you can be those things for yourself. Prioritizing is now one of my greatest strengths. I know that giving from my overflow will not leave me depleted. I know I have what I need within so that if anyone else comes along it will be a circulation of attributes that I already obtain. Yes, there are challenges with detaching. But would you rather keep losing yourself in others, holding the guilt or shame of not playing you full out, or living the way you want to live? That lonely feeling in the beginning will pass. To appreciate peace, you must go through the battle of healing. That loneliness will turn into solitude once you embrace that change is occurring, peace will come, “it’s the peace that surpasses all understanding.” The power of detaching empowers us to live more purposefully and authentically. When we do we open ourselves up to a deeper desire for life, the fulfillment, and joys of life. I know it has for me.